What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 27.06.2025 04:35
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
What is the opposite personality type of someone with ASPD (antisocial personality disorder)?
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
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I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
My family never makes their pension either.
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Im dying but, im not bitter.
I was 9 years of age.
We were not on the streets..
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I waited trembling.
She wouldn,t have been !
Put me off passion for life!!
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
Aut ut accusantium quos sint ad aperiam.
He resisted the act ,that day.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
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And i lived it daily.
All the time i was locked up.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
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Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
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The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
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Was to survive, this bastard.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
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Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
She loved him until the end.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
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I did it because my mum asked me too!
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
What does it mean when someone says "I'm feeling frisky"?
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
I write beautiful poetry .
Especially a lifetime of it.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
We all went to grammer schools
And who doesn’t know suffering?
Who then, do I blame.?
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
I will be 64.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
I was seconnd youngest,
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Comes on , in middle age.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
I have no regrets .
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
It was going to be , some day.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
Why did i forgive my father ?
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
My life is so biszare .
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
So whats the point in blame.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
So, i spoilt her more .
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
I think the readers, may guess!
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
I was very sick at this time too.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
But it wasn’t much.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
One cannot live in the past .
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
What did i know ?
I know ,a lot about trauma.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
Would this be the day?
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
I never cut or harmed myself..
I had hoped to write a book about this .
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
I said to her
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
He knew the spot.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
(And it was in our own minds.)
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
But ive been too sick for many years..
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
Ive learnt so much.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
As i do to all so called friends.?
She was in good health!
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
My mum and dad in the seventies!
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
This is soul school!.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
Im still living with it.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
I could never make a relationship work though!
I was scared of men, in general
I don,t even have a pension.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
I couldn’t, believe it.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
When she asked me how she looked .
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
But, we were locked up after school.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
She married twice! .
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
She found it foreign!.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.